Sunday, August 29, 2010

Who is Living in the GBN?

In the previous post I told you about my gourd.  The drying process and painting... all that stuff.  This is what happened to the gourd turned bird nest (GBN).

In the spring, with the GBN sorta securely mounted atop a 10 foot copper pipe I was now ready for the birds to make it a home rather than just a gourd on a pipe.  I waited and waited. I never saw a single bird even approach the gourd.  For some reason the birds were not attracted to the gourd as a home... or anything else for that matter.  All spring and most of the summer I waited... the birds were having nothing to do with that gourd.

Then, about 2 or 3 weeks ago I noticed wasps coming in and out of the gourd. I hate wasps. I broke out the handy-dandy yellow and black can of wasp killing foam spray. I planned my exit route with care, just in case I had to run from incensed, angry wasps. The back door to the house was unlocked and the gate to the front yard was blocked open. That was escape plan A and B respectively. Plan C was to jump in the pond... the deep end if I could remember. Alternatives are a good thing when dealing with wasps... especially when your intentions are of the killing kind.

The can indicated the spray was good from 20 feet. I estimated I was about 15 feet away so I let 'em have it. I sprayed until the foam was bubbling out the entrance. I saw a few wasps floating in the foam, dead.  Those wasps I liked.  I started to breath again. Then the foam started to fall away from the hole and, would you believe, live wasps came flying out of that hole! 

Holy crap Batman... Plan A was immediately implemented. The can of wasp killing spray was dropped and I was slamming the back door behind me before you could say (enter your favorite long word here). Whew! Safe and sound.

It didn't take long for the surviving wasps to settle and get back to their waspy routine. I decided a more direct and aggressive approach was necessary.  Sure.  I reasoned the wasp nest was hanging from the ceiling of the gourd... mostly because it's hard to hang off the floor. I got out my ladder with the intention of spraying the nest from close range. Armed with the foam spray I cautiously climbed toward the den of yellow, stinging, ornery, tenacious as well as just plain mean (when you try to kill 'em) wasps.

I saw the nest and it was one of the biggest I've seen. About 5 or 6 inches across with layers or tiers. Must have been there for a while to get that big. Probably moved in right after I put it up.  I took a few steps back down the ladder so I could jump to the ground without hurting myself (much) if necessary.  Jump, tuck and roll is not at all realistic for this 'ol guy.  I then took aim and sprayed. I definitely was hitting the nest this time and relaxed more each second as spray continued to fill the gourd. With poison dripping from weep holes in the bottom of the gourd I descended and retreated. A little time was necessary to insure the wasps were dead and let my pounding heart return to 60 some beats a minute.

The wasps were dead.  At least the ones that were home when the attack commenced.

Now I've read that even if you kill all the wasps the larvae might still emerge and repopulate the nest.  Have no idea if this is true but the article indicated a fool-proof way to insure total annihilation... burn the nest using a blow torch. 

Well, I didn't have a blow torch but I did have a propane torch that I used for sweating pipes and it makes a really hot flame.  So I removed the gourd from the 10 foot copper pipe and situated it so I could burn the nest thus saving all humanity from the bites and stings of those future ferocious wasps.

I've found that regardless of every action you take with good intentions (if killing wasp babies is consider good intentions) there is the opportunity for a bad reaction equal to, if not worse than, the opposite of the intended action.  That is to say, if you light your torch, stick it in a gourd you will find the oxygen is almost immediately consumed by the fire and the flame goes out... however, this is a key point now, the propane continues to flow from the torch into the gourd.

Since I'm writing this blog you know a few things.  I am alive.  I have my fingers (all 10 including my 4 thumbs).  I know how to vaporize wasp nests as well as gourds.

It was a lot like when Alejandro T exploded.  There wasn't much of him left laying around (see the post here).  You would think a grown man with over 60 years of experience on this world would know better than to fill a gourd with propane and then fire it off like a stick of dynamite.  The explosion wasn't as loud as dynamite but as far as I'm concerned it was like a nuclear bomb.

The gourd was history and the wasp nest actually came out better than the gourd... maybe 'cuz it's a bit more flexible.

I'm no longer concerned about wasps in the gourd nor am I concerned about birds nesting in the gourd.  There is no gourd.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Whoohoo

3 comments:

Janine said...

Oh my gosh!! I wish I had a gourd to catch the tinkle running down my leg as I giggle myself through this explosive story!! Your house is the bomb factory with or without Kirk- it must be a Watson thing. I commend you on verbalizing a fantastic picture of the events and I just love the Plan ABC! Thank you so much for sharing your story. All your remaining hairs still exist- right?
I'm so glad I tuned for Part 2. A huge teehee from me. 9

Kirk said...

My Father.. I love hearing that you are alive with all your fingers in tact. I'm sure you were sweating alot through all this. I think you should practice with plan C to make sure it works and cool your self off. hahaha
I'm sorry they Gourd is dead, but you must make sacrifices to survive the world out there. I'm sorry you didn't learn from me, when I did this in the Gas fireplace. These things can be very scary. How did your Beard fair?? At least you didn't have hair on top to loose. I love you and very happy the world is a safer place.

Anonymous said...

jessie says thats great and very funny at that wish i was there lol